10 Simple Ways To Prevent
Insecurity About Life
- Stop taking so much notice of how you feel.
How you feel is how you feel. It'll pass soon.
What you're thinking is what you're thinking.
It'll go too. Tell yourself that whatever you
feel, you feel; whatever you think, you think.
Since you can't stop yourself thinking, or prevent
emotions from arising in your mind, it makes no
sense to be proud or ashamed of either. You didn't
cause them. Only your actions are directly
under your control. They're the only proper cause
of pleasure or shame.
- Let go of worrying. It often makes things
The more you think about something bad, the more
likely it is to happen. When you're hair-trigger
primed to notice the first sign of trouble, you'll
surely find something close enough to convince
yourself it's come.
- Ease up on the internal life commentary.
If you want to be happy, stop telling yourself
you're miserable. People are always telling themselves
how they feel, what they're thinking, what others
feel about them, what this or that event really
means. Most of it's imagination. The rest is equal
parts lies and misunderstandings. You have only
the most limited understanding of what others
feel about you. Usually they're no better informed
on the subject; and they care about it far less
than you do. You have no way of knowing what this
or that event really means. Whatever you tell
yourself will be make-believe.
- Take no notice of your inner critic.
Judging yourself is pointless. Judging others
is half-witted. Whatever you achieve, someone
else will always do better. However bad you are,
others are worse. Since you can tell neither what's
best nor what's worst, how can you place yourself
correctly between them? Judging others is foolish
since you cannot know all the facts, cannot create
a reliable or objective scale, have no means of
knowing whether your criteria match anyone else's,
and cannot have more than a limited and extremely
partial view of the other person. Who cares about
your opinion anyway?
- Give up on feeling guilty.
Guilt changes nothing. It may make you feel you're
accepting responsibility, but it can't produce
anything new in your life. If you feel guilty
about something you've done, either do something
to put it right or accept you screwed up and try
not to do so again. Then let it go. If you're
feeling guilty about what someone else did, see
a psychiatrist. That's insane.
- Stop being concerned what the rest of the
world says about you. Nasty people can't make
you mad. Nice people can't make you happy. Events
or people are simply events or people. They can't
make you anything. You have to do that for yourself.
Whatever emotions arise in you as a result of
external events, they're powerless until you pick
them up and decide to act on them. Besides, most
people are far too busy thinking about themselves
(and worry what you are are thinking and saying
about them) to be concerned about you.
- Stop keeping score.
Numbers are just numbers. They don't have mystical
powers. Because something is expressed as a number,
a ratio or any other numerical pattern doesn't
mean it's true. Plenty of lovingly calculated
business indicators are irrelevant, gibberish,
nonsensical, or just plain wrong. If you don't
understand it, or it's telling you something bizarre,
ignore it. There's nothing scientific about relying
on false data. Nor anything useful about charting
your life by numbers that were silly in the first
- Don't be concerned that your life and career
aren't working out the way you planned.
The closer you stick to any plan, the quicker
you'll go wrong. The world changes constantly.
However carefully you analyzed the situation when
you made the plan, if it's more than a few days
old, things will already be different. After a
month, they'll be very different. After a year,
virtually nothing will be the same as it was when
you started. Planning is only useful as a discipline
to force people to think carefully about what
they know and what they don't. Once you start,
throw the plan away and keep your eyes on reality.
- Don't let others use you to avoid being responsible
for their own decisions.
To hold yourself responsible for someone else's
success and happiness demeans them and proves
you've lost the plot. It's their life. They have
to live it. You can't do it for them; nor can
you stop them from messing it up if they're determined
to do so. The job of a supervisor is to help and
supervise. Only control-freaks and some others
with a less serious mental disability fail to
- Don't worry about about your personality.
You don't really have one.
Personality, like ego, is a concept invented by
your mind. It doesn't exist in the real world.
Personality is a word for the general impression
that you give through your words and actions.
If your personality isn't likeable today, don't
worry. You can always change it, so long as you
allow yourself to do so. What fixes someone's
personality in one place is a determined effort
on their part—usually through continually
telling themselves they're this or that kind of
person and acting on what they say. If you don't
like the way you are, make yourself different.
You're the only person who's standing in your