I don’t like you.
Four words we hate to hear. For some reason, we all like
to be liked. No revelation there. It’s how we’re
wired. We hate it when people don’t like us - even
people we don’t really know. Some of us will do almost
anything to be liked. We love to please, even at the expense
of our own happiness, values, beliefs and standards. We
compromise ourselves a hundred ways and turn ourselves
inside-out trying to make others like us, but in that
approval-seeking process we often forget who we are and
wind up being disliked by the one person whose opinion
should matter the most; us.
Newsflash 1: Some people
aren’t gonna like you.
Newsflash 2: That’s
okay.
That’s right - life ain’t fair and even though
you may very well be a fantastic human being, some people
will find a reason to dislike you no matter what you do
or how fabulous you are. Chances are it’s more about
their issues than anything you have or haven’t done.
There are people who don’t like me who have never
actually met me or had a conversation with me. That’s
fine with me. I won’t invest emotional energy into
things I can’t change. I will endeavour to be the
best Craig Harper I can be and if my best still generates
critics and people who find reason to dislike me (which
it will), that’s okay. The only person I can change
is me, so I’ll focus on improving, educating and
developing myself rather than trying to create a fan club
or convince people to like me.
While it’s normal and very human to have the desire
to be needed, liked, loved and important to others, it’s
also crucial for our development to get clear about who
we are and what we stand for, and to live a life consistent
with those values - to like ourselves. Otherwise we simply
become frustrated People Pleasers.
Newsflash 3: It’s
okay to disagree with people. Even people you like and
respect.
Newsflash 4: Some
people’s overwhelming need to be liked is the very
thing that makes them hard to like (there’s some
irony for you).
Newsflash 5: For
many people, their need to be liked is actually a significant
barrier to their personal and professional growth.
When it comes to this issue, you might want to ask yourself
these questions:
1. Do I speak the truth (while still exercising care,
wisdom and understanding) even if it’s not popular
to do so?
2. Do I live a life which is consistent with my core values?
3. Do I operate with integrity?
4. Do I believe that my motives are good?
5. Is it my goal to be a positive influence in the lives
of others?
6. Am I happy to disagree with people I like?
7. Do I (really) like me?
If you answered yes to all of the above then you’re
doing pretty well. If there were more crosses than ticks
then you may want to make a few changes. Soon. Some short-term
pain for some long-term gain.
If you really want to be liked, then stop trying to be
liked and start being you.
