Help Your Child Cope With
a More Stressful World
Excerpt By Jennifer Thomas, HealthScoutNews

(HealthScoutNews) -- They don't have to deal with grueling commutes, bad bosses or endless streams of bills.

But children, even young ones, are increasingly struggling with the stresses of modern life, child development experts say.

There are no statistics on rates of stress in children, and the sources of their worries are, of course, different than for adults.

Yet events ranging from the carnage of the Maryland/Virginia sniper or the 9/11 terrorist attacks to divorce or a death in the family are putting -- and keeping -- kids on edge.

So, too, can milestones that to adults would be a cause for celebration, such as moving to a new neighborhood or the birth of a child in the family.

"Young children can feel stress and it can start at any age," says Rebecca Newgent, an assistant professor at the University of Arkansas' department of educational leadership, counseling and foundations.

"However, children may not recognize what they're feeling as being stress, and they may not have the vocabulary to express it. They just know they feel bad," she adds.

So what's a parent to do?

The first thing is to realize that children do experience stress, which can be hard to imagine as you watch your child zip down the street on a scooter, Newgent says.

"You think of children as having a more carefree, easygoing life," she says. "They don't have to worry about paying bills and making sure food is on the table. But their stressors are just as real and just as serious for them at their level."

Signs of stress in children can include physical symptoms such as stomach aches, headaches, asthma flare-ups and even high blood pressure. Kids under stress can also become irritable or withdrawn. They may also misbehave at school or neglect their studies, Newgent says.

Other signs can include nightmares or not wanting to be alone.

If stress goes unchecked, children may start to show psychological symptoms such as forgetfulness, a lack of concentration, chronic anxiety and even depression.

To help children cope with stress, experts suggest parents take some simple steps.

Start by making time for conversation. If you've ever tried, say, asking a 6-year-old boy how school was going, you know no matter how many questions you ask the most complex answer you're likely to get is: "It was OK."

That doesn't matter, says Joy Faini-Saab, an associate professor of educational theory and practice at West Virginia University. "What's most important is taking the time to try and letting the child know you're there in case they need you.

"It's really important to allow them to talk about things," Faini-Saab adds. "The conversations may not be very long and that's OK, as long as they have the opportunity to talk when they need to."

Throughout childhood, sometimes all a child needs is to have a parent there. "Sometimes, simple proximity is all that's needed," Faini-Saab says.

If a child is having trouble fitting in at school, it can help to get him involved with an after-school activity, where he can make other friends or feel good about learning something new, Newgent says.

"If the stress lasts too long, children can start to feel helpless and hopeless," she says. "It's very important to lead them to something that can bring a sense of accomplishment, to help them feel like they have some sense of control."

Parents also can teach their children how to cope by encouraging them to do something healthy to relieve stress. Going outside to play or getting involved with a physical activity, whether it's sports at school or some community or church-based program, are great ideas.

"Encourage them to find a mental or physical release that gives them a break from their stress," Newgent says.

Faini-Saab says the epidemic of childhood obesity means many kids aren't getting the stress-busting physical activity they need.

"It says to me that something is out of balance here," she says.

Then, there's the other extreme -- kids who are involved with so many activities that they never have time to simply play. Faini-Saab recommends that families limit children to no more than one or two after-school activities a week, depending on how demanding each activity is.

"Kids need time to think, dream and imagine," Faini-Saab says. "Studies clearly indicate that incubation time is very important for the creative thinking process and for their development."

Finally, parents need to watch how they deal with stress in their own lives. If they deal with stress in a healthy manner, their children will learn from them.

Parents should also make sure they don't confide too much in their children. Kids need reassurance that they're safe and their parents are going to handle any problems in the family.

"The level of tension is felt by the children, and if that continues for a long time, it's bound to cause them stress," Faini-Saab says.

What To Do

For information on helping children cope with stress, check the National Network for Children Care or KidsHealth.org. Are you unwittingly contributing to stress in your child's life by pushing her too hard? Check this Ohio State University Web site and find out.

Reference Source 101

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