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How
Divorce Affects Kids
Excerpt
By Susan Church, HealthScoutNews Reporter
(HealthScoutNews)
-- When the going gets tough, the tough get going -- unless they're
the children of divorce.
Children of
divorced parents are more likely to give up tough tasks at school
and less likely to develop new friendships, says a study in the
August issue of Cognitive Therapy and Research.
Divorce or
separation, the death of a parent or placement in foster care
makes some children feel they can't control events in their lives,
says study author Karen Rudolph, a professor of psychology at
the University of Illinois. The children may abandon their homework
if it doesn't come easily or shy away from the hard work of making
new friends. They also are more depressed than children of two-parent
families. The children of parents who were openly hostile to each
other fared the worst.
"What
we know is that these qualities affect relationships and achievement
long-term," Rudolph says. "Kids who feel they're not
in control of their school work or friendships don't put as much
effort into doing well, and they don't get as good grades. And
if they don't develop these mastery skills, they don't live up
to their potential."
Rudolph surveyed
1,058 Midwestern fifth and sixth graders about their school work
and classmates, their relationships with their parents and the
amount of tension between mom and dad. Teachers also were asked
questions about students to see whether students persevered despite
difficulties, such as "When she encounters an obstacle in
school, does she get discouraged and stop trying?" and "Does
he show little persistence when trying to get along with a classmate?"
The students and teachers were surveyed again about six months
later.
"Children
at this age tend to blame themselves when things go wrong. "They
think 'If I had behaved better, my parents wouldn't have gotten
divorced'," Rudolph says.
The findings
echo other studies that have found children of divorce are at
higher risk for illicit drug use, premature sexual activity and
trouble with siblings, friends and parents, says Robert Hughes
Jr., psychologist and professor of human development at the University
of Missouri.
But he says
that doesn't mean they're doomed. He says several studies show
nearly 80 percent of children of divorced parents don't suffer
long-term damage. If parents recover quickly from the emotional
blows of divorce and resume their roles as parents, the kids do
fine.
"Can
you get up in the morning and make breakfast? Can you go to work?
If you can recover quickly and get back on your feet and become
parents again, the kids will be OK," Hughes says.
What To
Do
Rudolph says
even children from divorced families can develop coping skills.
She encourages parents to ask children how they solve problems
with friends or conflicts with their teachers. Asking their opinions
helps youngsters value their own ideas and encourages persistence,
she says.
"I'm
not suggesting parents abandon behaviors that are part of good
parenting, like setting curfews for their kids, but parents should
give kids the opportunity to express their opinions on things
that are directly relevant to them," Rudolph says.
Above all,
parents shouldn't turn kids into pawns after divorce, says psychologist
Janet Weisberg, director of education in the Department of Psychiatry
at Interfaith Medical Center in Brooklyn, N.Y. "Kids in that
case feel that whatever road they take, they're wrong."
Read more
about how kids fare after divorce at the
National Parent Information Network or at the
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry.
Reference
Source 101
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