NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - New research suggests that even if there is no such as thing as a perfect "soul mate," we can still believe we've found one.

Men and women can develop a sense that their partners are essentially mirror images of themselves, allowing them to perceive similarities that aren't there at all, according to the authors of the new study.

But while this type of self-centeredness may seem a relationship killer, it can actually form the foundation of a "satisfying and stable romantic relationship," they argue in the April issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

"Assimilating a partner to the self gives intimates the sense that they have found a kindred spirit, someone who is just like them and, thus, knows and understands them for who they really are," write Sandra L. Murray, of the State University of New York at Buffalo, and colleagues.

In a world of complex relationships, the researchers assert, such "egocentrism" can be beneficial by instilling the feeling that one's partner is indeed a "soul mate."

To investigate this idea, Murray's team studied 105 married or co-habitating couples who had been together at least 2 years, as well as 86 young, dating couples. Participants answered questions about their own qualities, values and feelings, and their perceptions of their partners'. They also reported whether they felt "understood" by their partners and whether they were satisfied with the relationship.

The responses revealed that it was common for a partner to feel the other was similar to him or her in various regards, even if that wasn't the case. Moreover, when it came to married and co-habitating couples, these "egocentric" individuals were more satisfied with their relationships--and so were their partners.

These participants also felt more strongly that their partners understood them. And in both married and dating couples, men and women with egocentric partners tended to feel "more understood" themselves, the report indicates.

Of course, the authors point out, these couples were not all fooling themselves. Those who actually were more similar felt more understood by one another. However, the researchers add, this was not enough for married couples, who appeared happiest when they saw shared characteristics that weren't there in reality.

The researchers acknowledge that such clouded perceptions can lead to trouble when misunderstanding and conflict ensue. But in romantic relationships, they argue, "satisfaction seems to require leaving some assumptions about similarity untested and unquestioned."

SOURCE: Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 2002;82:563-581.

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